photo by Paulaloe

This particular post is for those of you who are either going through a break-up or a divorce, or who have gone through one in the past and now want to understand your experience in a more positive way.

I am not going to lie to you; breaking up or divorcing is not easy. I don’t care what anyone says. Unless you have experienced it yourself, it is hard for you to understand the pain, hurt, and shame associated with it. It doesn’t really matter whether you are the one who is being dumped or the one who has decided to leave the relationship. In my personal relationship history, I have experienced both situations – I have been the one feeling cheated or betrayed and have also been the one feeling guilty for leaving the relationship. And in every case, breaking up has been painful. But what I have learned is that despite the pain we feel, we don’t have to suffer. The time has come for us to understand the process of divorce and break-up in a more positive light.

This topic can be confusing for many reasons. There are lots of misguided beliefs on the subject of divorce. This post is partly an attempt to make me feel better about my own divorce process, but, hopefully, it will also help you feel better about your past experiences through developing a more positive and deeper understanding of the divorce or break-up process.

In many ways, our society often teaches us that divorce is sinful, that it is something to be ashamed of, something you should not talk about, or something that you should just hide under the rug. Many of us hold other misguided beliefs, such as that in all divorces one of the partners must have been mean, dishonest, unsatisfying, or otherwise to blame for the resulting break-up. It is commonly believed that somehow the love for our partner must have just died or that the divorce is somehow the fault of only one of us.

Although, in every relationship there are two people contributing to the situation, the simple truth that can free us from blaming one another is to realize that love is just not always enough. Many people believe that often love simply ends in a relationship. But love never dies. Although, it often gets buried deep in our hearts, the love we share with others is eternal. Recognizing this truth will help you understand that it is possible to love a person, yet still feel that this person is not the right one with whom to share the rest of your life. The mistaken belief that somehow love dies between two people has caused much unnecessary suffering. Rather than trying to break up or divorce with love, most people, unfortunately, feel they have to find reason to blame, judge, or criticize their partner or themselves in order to justify these reasons. Of course, I am not trying to say that there are never reasons to be critical of a partner.

However, the unfortunate consequence of most of our tactics is that we are unable to move forward with positive feelings of love. With love buried deep in your heart it becomes very difficult for you to believe in or open up to love in the future. With a heart closed to love, not only will you block the love from your partner but you will also block your ability to give or receive love in the future from someone else. Only by learning to recognize that someone is not the right person for you from the place of love, can you strengthen your ability to recognize the right person for you in the future.

I understand how easy it is to blame yourself or your partner for a break-up or a divorce. I have definitely done my share of blaming my past partners as well as blaming myself hundreds of times. It was finally when I realized and recognized the truth in my heart – that it truly is possible to love a person with all of your heart and still feel that this isn’t your life’s partner or the right timing– that I was able to let go of my own guilt and forgive those who I felt had betrayed me in the past.

Remembering the love and the beautiful memories that I have shared with my wife has allowed me to start the process of healing from the pain of our separation and to break free from guilt or from blaming my wife for our break-up.

Our minds move faster than our hearts. If you are going through a break-up or divorce, remember that no matter how much your well-intentioned friends or family members want you to move forward quickly, it is always wise to take your time and fully heal your heart before you do so.

Surround yourself with friends and family, do something fun just for you, and do allow the love that you shared in the beginning with your partner to help heal the pain of your separation. Remembering the love you shared will help you heal your heart and maintain hope for finding that life-long partner. In future posts, I will share a very powerful technique for healing and for transforming any negative feelings into positive ones, and will show how this technique has helped me tremendously. I know it will help you too.

If you would like to receive updates on my journey and continue to receive my dating and relationship tips, the best way to keep in touch is by signing up to my newsletter at the top of this page. I sincerely hope this insight will help you as much as it has helped me start over and continue to believe in love. Remember, good endings will always make good beginnings. Learn to remember and understand your past relationships with love and positive feelings, and you will attract even more love and positive feelings in the future.

With love and healing,

Mikko Kemppe

P.s. I am in the process of writing a guide to healing from a painful divorce or break-up. Would you care to help me? If you have experienced a painful divorce or break-up, would you leave me feedback or comments below? Tell me what helped you start over after a divorce or a break-up, what was the most challenging part about it to you, and especially what questions did you or do you have about how to best heal your heart and to start over.

As a way of saying thank you for your contribution,
I will send you a FREE copy of the finished guide to you via e-mail.

Thanks in advance!

Hey, now that you have taken the time to read my article, please take a little more a make sure to leave me a comment below :) or take a look at some of my other articles here!

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