Interracial and Intercultural Relationships: Can Love Overcome All Differences?
Photo by Kjunstorm
“So, can love really overcome all our differences?” I was asked this question by my friend who has faced some challenges in her intercultural relationship.
Let’s face it. Achieving success in relationships today is harder than ever, whether you are in an intercultural relationship or not. Why? Mainly because our expectations or reasons for having intimate relationships have fundamentally changed. It used to be that men and women formed relationships mainly to survive as a family unit. All that had to be done for a relationship to work was for the man to bring home food for his family. Women, meanwhile, happily attended to the family and house. While mutual love and respect existed in these relationships, intimacy, passion, and personal fulfillment did not necessarily have the same place in the relationship that they do today. For the most part, in contemporary relationships, personal fulfillment has become the number one criterion – more important than family, religion, or community.
As the physical part of our lives has become easier, priorities in relationships have changed. Women today expect more from men than simply bringing home food because women can easily do this themselves. Similarly, men expect more from relationships, mainly in making their partner happy, while also focusing on attending to the family’s needs. These changing roles have brought many positive aspects into our world and into our relationships, but they have also created new challenges. And these challenges have brought about new stresses. As men and women have become so intimately involved with each other’s lives, the male/ female differences have gone under a microscope. For many, not understanding these differences in a positive way has resulted in breakup, divorce, or life in an unsatisfying relationship.
As the modern world becomes smaller and smaller it becomes more important to understand cultural differences. And nowhere is this truer than in the many interracial and intercultural relationships formed today. While it is these very differences that create passion and interest, these are also the differences that create misunderstandings and confusion.
Sometimes the challenges that these couples face may seem overwhelming. Not only are they trying to understand a different gender, but there is also the need to understand someone of a different race or cultural background – often someone with totally different ideas, experiences, beliefs, and values.
So, can love overcome all these differences? Yes, I believe it can. And it is only through love that these differences can be overcome in a positive way. It is naive to think that we can resolve the differences and tensions in the Middle East or in any other part of the world if we cannot first resolve the tensions and differences in our own personal relationships.
If we would all be the same, we would have no conflicts and we would intuitively understand each other. While each of us is more similar than different to the next person, it is the absence of a positive understanding of these differences that results in the conflicts of our relationships.
The reason it is so hard to understand our differences is because each of us operates from our own frame of reference. And unless one can accept that we each think, behave, and act differently for good reasons, it is impossible to understand these differences in a positive way.
Simple understanding or realization that we are different is one thing; but understanding our differences in a positive way is quite another step. It is actually very hard to remove your own shoes and put on someone else’s, especially in time of conflict or challenge, when it is needed most.
If us guys would try to dance a Salsa in high heels and let someone else lead on the dance floor it would be a very different experience indeed, and would surely give us more appreciation for what women often go through on the dance floor. But it is only by trying to put yourself in the other person’s frame of reference with all of the differences included, cultural and otherwise, that it is even possible for you to gain awareness of how that other person views the world.
Whenever you find yourself stuck in blaming someone else for your frustration, anger, confusion, disappointment, or hurt, realize that you have not fully understood the other person’s point of view. Acknowledging this is the first step toward understanding someone else from a more positive point of view. And, of course, this awareness and understanding ultimately makes room for more love to move into your relationship. And, yes, I do believe that with love it is possible to overcome the differences in any relationship. What do you think?
Use the comment tab at the top of this article and join our conversation. Do you have a question or comment? Please share your interracial or intercultural dating or relationship experiences. What has been the most challenging part about it for you?
Remember that every step you take to resolve the differences in your relationship, no matter how small, shines a little more light in to our relationships and will ultimately benefit all of us. Thank you for the love and work you have done to understand your relationship with love.
Wishing you much success,
Mikko Kemppe
P.s. Do you have a personal question? Ask me, simply fill out your name and e-mail address below along with your question and I will consider it for my next blog.
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