A BIG Mistake Many Successful, Confident Men Unknowingly Make on a Date… …and How to Avoid It!
Photo by Jonrawlinson
Read the longer written version of the tip below!
So, you met her at work, at some social event, or at a club. You got her phone number, called her up, and she agreed to be picked up for dinner at 7 p.m.
You arrive at 7:05, knock, and she answers. She looks beautiful. You give her a compliment, saying: “That dress looks beautiful on you.” She starts to glow, and you know you’ve just scored some big points. You wait patiently for a few minutes as she gets herself ready.
You walk to the car and open the door for her. She thanks you with a big smile. Already you know it is going to be a great night. You finally get to this Italian restaurant that you know she likes. The waiter places the two of you at a nice table. You’re really glad about being on this date.
So far, so good.
She starts asking you some questions about your life. You really like her and you want to impress her, so you start telling her about the things you know – like your work, hobbies, and family. You explain the details of what you do at your job, tell her about some of your dreams, and what you want to do in life. She continues asking questions for quite a while and you feel like you’ve given her some pretty good answers. Smart? NO!
One of the biggest mistakes many guys make on a first date is to appear more interested in themselves than in their date. Realize that often, the more questions a woman asks, in reality, the more she wants to talk about herself.
Being an accomplished man, with stature, money, confidence, and goals, is very attractive to women, but what is even more attractive is your ability to show genuine interest in her, making her feel comfortable enough to share things about herself.
Because this is such an important point, I’ll repeat it: The most attractive thing you can do on a first date is to genuinely take interest in who she is and what she thinks and feels, by asking her lots of questions and listening to her with undivided attention.
As I said, one of the biggest mistakes most men make, often especially the more successful ones, is to talk, or even worse, brag about themselves without showing enough interest in their date. This is a big turnoff, no matter how successful the man is. Ironically, many men who feel that they don’t have impressive personal or professional stuff to talk about, simply decide not to date. If you are one of these men, this information will empower you to feel more confident no matter what your background.
Once you understand that the most attractive thing you can do is show interest in her, this will give you extra confidence to sweep a woman off her feet.
Showing interest in your date will impress her for many reasons. First, realize that by having conversation with her and by listening attentively, you will actually help her stimulate a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone creates a contented, relaxed feeling by lowering the stress level in women.
This is why women often enjoy having ordinary, casual conversations with their friends without resolving any major issues, or just talking about anything that we men would think unimportant. Taking turns asking questions and listening to others is a powerful way that women cope with stress.
So, realize that often when she is asking questions, she is really waiting for her turn to talk. The more you get her to talk about herself, the more relaxed, connected, and intimate she will start to feel with you, and the more she will like you for it. Furthermore, allowing the woman to talk without you feeling the need to brag, can actually make you appear much more confident than those man who brag in order to win a woman over.
So, now that we got that cleared up, what are some good questions to ask a woman? Ask where she is from and where she grew up. These are usually important to a woman and will show that you really care to know where she comes from. Ask about her family, siblings, etc. Family is usually important to women. Women love to feel connected; that’s why women remember birthdays, details about friends, and so on. Ask about hobbies, what she likes to do when she relaxes, the books she likes to read, or the type of movies she likes to watch. What you are doing is sticking to comfortable “get-to-know-you” questions that will break the ice and shift the focus to her and away from you. Topics that do not have any stress associated with them are always a good place to start.
As your date talks about one subject, follow up with another leading question. For example, if you ask: “Where did you grow up?” And she says: “I actually grew up in Toronto, Canada, but I moved here to San Francisco when I was 15,” follow up with: “Oh really? Did you like the cold weather in Canada or do you prefer the climate in San Francisco?” Or ask her: “San Francisco must be a whole lot different from Toronto. Which do you prefer?” By listening attentively and following up, you will surely come up with plenty of questions, even if you are one of those quieter men that is afraid you will run out of things to say.
Doing this will make you very attractive in her eyes. At some point, as she talks about herself, share some things about yourself as well, because otherwise she’ll end up feeling guilty having just talked only about herself. So, make sure also to answer her questions. But remember, turn the conversation toward learning more about her. I promise you will be scoring big points.
By the end of the night, if you feel that the two of you have connected, walk her to her door. At this point, she will be dying for you to just slowly approach her and give her a kiss. But more on that on one of my future blogs! ☺
Remember, the secret is to listen. Take this advice to heart and I promise you will be well ahead of most men in the dating arena. Wishing you much success,
Mikko Kemppe
