My girl is going to america for about 3 months to study and i must say i'm kinda like freaking
out. So i'm a really sensitive guy, and just want to share how difficult it is for me with her.
But what i am mentioning is that when i get to vulnerable in showing my feelings, I myself
do feel VERY bad inside afterwards. Like I made a big hole on my inside.

I'm feeling a bit mixed up in what to do. At the same time i know its more ' atractive' to her to
'be her man' and just guide her towards her great awesome learning experience in the states.
But at the same time I have to be honest about my feelings, without making those feelings
look to difficult for HER. Is it right to say, that she doesnt feel secure anymore in her own choices when I become to much sensitive in this situation? I'm curious what anyone thinks about this.
Although i have enough selfconfidence to believe that i ' ll fid the right way to deal with this.

Greetings,
M.

You raised up some great points. I agree on all accounts! Well said!

Not only is Mikko right about the fact that both men and women can be less than completely “honest” about how they feel, but also

1) sometimes women are *afraid* to be honest about turning a man down for a romantic relationship because they are concerned that the man will get angry. Women are frequently punished in our culture if *they're* not perceived as “nice” — when it's not that they're not being nice; they're just being honest about not wanting a romantic relationship with a given man.

2) men who were putting themselves out there as a “friend”, and whom women trusted in that role, DO get angry when those same women turn them down for romantic relationships. And that can be frightening to a woman.
That's NOT being a “nice guy”. That's being a passive-aggressive and deceitful one.
And women don't like that at all — nor should they.

Sometimes it is hard to accept and feel worthy of love and support. I remember, when my first real dream that I had been dreaming for years became a reality. I received a basketball scholarship to come to United States to play basketball on Division 1 from Finland.

But then all of sudden, I started having insecurities whether I am a good enough basketball player after all and whether I even deserve the scholarship or not. I started feeling like I should just stay in Finland. After all Finland was comfortable and what I had been used to.

But let me tell you. Moving to the United States although it was very uncomfortable, especially at first, and I had doubts whether I deserved to be here has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

Realize that it is normal to have doubts and feel weird about receiving love and support and what you deserve. The key is simply to be grateful and realize that you do deserve all of the love and support in the world.

So the next time your boyfriend tells you something nice, simply look him in the eye and tell him thank you and feel how grateful you are to have someone like him in your life. You deserve it!

Can you be a little more specific? How are you feeling weird and having trouble to reacting to too much interest or vulnerability? Wish you the best!

Thanks for asking! That is a good question. I would start by simply making sure you are not sharing too much of your vulnerable feelings with her. Make sure you have lots of friends, activities, and goals that you are pursuing in your life.

Hanging out with other guys who have similar goals is a good idea. Share some of your frustrations or worries about life with them instead. Take some time for yourself. Or if you need to cry to someone and something really stressful is happening in your life, go talk to a good therapist.

Then before you see her next time, make sure you are in a centered place and rather talk to her about your worries plan a nice date for her instead.

There is no need for you try to make her open up or to share her feelings at this point. Simply concentrate more on developing yourself, your goals, and your ambitions in life. And then when you do see her, make sure you are asking and being interested in her instead of sharing too much about yourself.

If you do this, soon she will come to see you as the stud you are again !!