I am smart, independent, successful, and educated, why aren’t men attracted to me? Read the answer here, and discover the solution.
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You are a successful woman in a solid business or are holding a good corporate job. You drive a nice car, you are well educated, look good, and take care of your health. Everything in your life seems to be going great. Yet, there is that one puzzling question that keeps coming up: Why don’t I have a good man in my life?
You try to brush that question off and say with confidence: “Well, I don’t really need a man.” But in the back of your mind, you still often wonder how nice it would be if only… Maybe you rationalize and say: “Guys just can’t seem to handle a successful, independent woman, and that is just the way it is.” These thoughts go on for a short while, until the next wave of thoughts hit, either about your business or your “to do” list, washing away your yearning for a man—at least for a while.
Let’s first clear up something right off. The truth is that men are very attracted to accomplished women. Being smart, successful, educated, and good looking can make you very enticing to a man. These qualities have never turned a single man off. However, what has turned men off is what these qualities have unfortunately often come to represent in women—that is, women who do not need a man.
Now you say to yourself: “I’ve worked so hard and have some much to offer. Why wouldn’t a man be interested?” The reality is that most men are always drawn to places where they are most needed and where they can make the biggest difference. If a man senses that you are not receptive to what he has to offer, then no matter how successful you are it will be very hard for him to feel drawn and attracted to you. The message you may be subconsciously sending is that you don’t really need him.
Unfortunately, the skills and determination that may have worked to make you successful in the work or business world, when applied to dating may actually turn against you. While it may be easy and comfortable for you to find or pursue a man, even if you do find men that enjoy being pursued, you may find that these men may not be the ones that will ultimately satisfy you. You may have experienced finding men who are willing to go along with your pursuit, but in the long run, you found that something was still missing from the relationship. Realize that what was “missing” was actually a part of you that you had not yet found. So the easy solution for your problem is to realize that by embracing all of who you are you have the power to easily attract great men in your life.
When dating, the more you operate from your independent, self-sufficient, and accomplishing side (your masculine side), the more the guys that you will attract to your life will tend to be in their vulnerable, receiving, and dependent side (their feminine side). While there is nothing wrong with a woman to be in her masculine side or a man to be in her feminine side, for attraction and passion to last in a relationship, it is important to always work toward becoming more balanced.
To illustrate this concept, let’s first look at a very traditional type of male female relationship. Imagine a very rugged independent kind of guy; I like to think of an image of a cowboy. Now imagine a very traditional feminine women next him. For relationships to have passion and attraction you always have to have polarity. Now for the attraction and passion to last in this relationship it is very important that the man in this scenario learns to respect her femininity, while at the same time maintaining and honoring his masculine side, and vice versa. By learning to respect her femininity he will actually learn to develop his own feminine side and, thus slowly become more balanced allowing their relationship to grow in more love and passion.
For example, let’s say that his wife was very worried and concerned about her sister who was sick and she wanted to share her vulnerable feelings with him. The more he would be able to listen to, respect, and understand her feelings and what she was going through, the more he would learn to develop and respect his own feminine side while also respecting and honoring his masculine side. This same process of course applies also for her. By learning to develop her masculine side while maintaining and honoring her feminine side, she will ensure that the relationship will grow in love and passion. So the key to long lasting attraction and passion is to accept and honor where you are and to work toward more balance.
So similarly if you have learned to develop your masculine side, what you now want to do is to learn to develop more of your feminine side, but without sacrificing your masculine side. So, what do you need to do? Your first step is simply to learn to enjoy the things “feminine” women already enjoy—like shopping without any pressure, socializing with some girlfriends, getting a massage and pedicure, relaxing and listening music, etc. Basically, start pampering yourself and realize that you deserve it and will help you grow in more balance.
As you learn to give more to yourself and enjoy it, you will slowly honor and develop more of your feminine side. As you cultivate your feminine side without sacrificing your masculine side, the more you will start to attract guys who are also on their masculine side, yet also sensitive to your feminine side. This will make you very attractive to guys. Realize that this doesn’t mean that you have to give up your more assertive, goal driven masculine side. What it does mean is that it is important that you work toward becoming more balanced.
The second step is to realize your need for a man. You may not need a man to take care of you financially or to protect you, but you still need a man for your romantic needs, to make you feel special, and to share a family. You need him when you are stressed, to give you hugs, and to provide you with sexual fulfillment.
The more you actually allow your-self to be vulnerable and to open up to all of the ways a man can enrich your life, the more you will start to open a door for one to come into your life. Remember, guys are always drawn to places where they are most appreciated and needed.
But don’t men hate needy women? Yes, they do. However, there is a big difference between needing a man and being needy. All men intuitively know this difference. So let me help you understand this.
Needing a man says that you really appreciate his presence and what he has to offer. Being needy means that you want and expect from him more than he is able to offer and instead of appreciating him, you treat him as a failure. Let me give you an exaggerated example of this. If your date comes to pick you up for dinner and he is 45 minutes late. A woman who appreciates and needs her man would say: “Oh Michael, thank God you’re here. I’m so hungry. Let’s hurry and go to the restaurant.” A woman who is needy will say: “Where have you been? I’ve waited all night! You are 45 minutes late, and blah blah blah….” You get the idea, I’m sure.
By having developed your masculine side to succeed in the work world, you are now in a perfect position to allow a man to shower you with romantic attention without becoming needy. By developing your feminine side and learning to recognize the need for a man in your life you are well on your way to your relationship success. And by realizing that you don’t have to do this at the expense of any of your accomplishments you will truly free yourself to embrace your femininity. As you learn to balance your life, I promise, you will develop your power to have it all—great success both in your business and your love life.
Wishing you much dating and relationship success,
Mikko Kemppe
