Is Masturbation Good Or Bad For You?
Talking about masturbation can bring up a lot of unresolved feelings. Why? Well, first off, for centuries it has often been considered an act of sin.
Yet, learning to feel good about our bodies and ourselves is a completely natural part of life. Since the act of pleasuring ourselves feels good and yet it is often considered to be a sinful act that you should be a shamed of, this often makes us feel very confused. And since it is a topic that is rarely talked about, many people carry these conflicting and confused feelings inside of them, often for an entire lifetime.
But, as I said, masturbation is a completely natural part of our lives. I hasten to say that all of us have either masturbated at one time or another, or masturbate regularly. There should be nothing sinful about masturbating. Learning to understand our bodies, to love ourselves, and to feel good about ourselves for who we are should be accepted and encouraged.
I am not trying to make the argument that everything that may bring us pleasure is always healthy, normal, or natural. But masturbation in and of itself is a natural part of our lives. However, having said that, it is important to add that it can be practiced both in healthy and unhealthy ways.
Let me explain. Masturbation and sex in general are very powerful ways of getting in touch with your feelings, especially for men. It is after sex that men potentially become most in touch with and aware of their feelings of love for their wives, for example. This is a positive way of understanding why men often want so much sex. This also applies to women. However, the difference is that the more love she already feels for her partner, the more she wants to share that intimacy through sex. On the flip side, this may also explains why men can suddenly become acutely aware of how they want to run away after making love to a stranger.
Men’s lives are often filled with challenges. The conditioning of our society does not allow as many outlets for men as it does for women to safely get in touch with their emotions or feelings. This among other things leads to repressed emotions and feelings. The one place where a man has no defenses and thousands of nerves linking directly to the feeling part of his brain is through his penis.
This is why masturbation can be especially beneficial for men as a way of getting in touch with their feelings. It is often after a sexual release that a man becomes much more aware of how and what he really feels inside.
This is also partly why the concept of masturbation as a being a shameful act becomes so easily perpetuated and accepted. After masturbation, many men and women feel ashamed because they feel they just did something wrong. This is a mistaken conclusion.
What usually happens is that the act of masturbation and the release that follows heightens the awareness of what you already in some level felt inside. If you feel ashamed or embarrassed after masturbation, that is usually a clear indication that you have a lot of unresolved and conflicting emotions inside of you.
I am not trying to say that there are never instances where you should not legitimately feel shame after having sex or masturbated. For example, if you do something shameful like have sex without a person’s consent or masturbate with an under-aged person, you should definitely feel very ashamed of yourself.
But masturbation in and of itself can and should be a very healthy and helpful way of learning to become aware of all of your feelings inside, especially for men.
The unfortunate part about this is that most men (or women) do not know how to process or feel their emotions, especially the negative and painful ones. This is because as children we were often not allowed to fully express our feelings while growing up, and therefore did not learn how to naturally process them. This lack of knowledge and understanding of how to process emotions in a healthy way is the number one cause for all of our addictions, both in men and women.
All addictions are attempts to numb our painful feelings that in truth we really want and need to be heard and understood with love.
Unfortunately, masturbation, pornography, and sex in general, like any other addictive behavior, can also be used in an unhealthy way by further numbing the pain and conflicting emotions that we feel inside.
Often the act of pleasuring yourself like any drug or altered state will temporarily help you forget your worries or painful emotions. And this certainly can develop into an addictive behavior. The additional problem with masturbation compared to other drugs or addictive behaviors is that it is also the body’s natural way of helping us get in touch with our feelings of pain. So after a release, your body and mind naturally try to help you become more aware of your internal feelings.
However, the more pain and unresolved feelings you have, the more easily you now become acutely aware of them, which can then lead to more unhealthy attempts of trying to numb them, which can lead to excessive masturbation.
This is the way a vicious cycle is often developed. And masturbation, instead of being used as a healthy and natural way of learning more about yourself and becoming more aware of your feelings, can easily become an addictive and destructive behavior. And as with any addiction, it can often lead you to try and find ways of increasing the stimulation of pleasurable brain chemicals (mainly dopamine) as your tolerance to the same stimuli develops. This is why men addicted to masturbation often gradually begin to search for more and more x-rated pornography.
Women can also become addicted to the same pleasurable feeling that masturbation can bring followed by a cycle of guilt, shame, and feeling bad about themselves. However, women are usually already much more aware of their feelings and as their brain develops and stores more dopamine than men do, women usually do not become so easily addicted, nor produce the same behaviors as men do. This is why women are much more likely to become “addicted” to romance novels or soap operas rather than to masturbation and pornography. But more on that in another blog.
By realizing that masturbation is a normal and natural part of life you can begin to release any shame or guilt associated with it. Remember that exploring and learning more about yourself is a completely natural part of life. Next time you masturbate, take the time to explore any of your feelings that may come up. Learning to be happy and knowing yourself is always the foundation of any good relationship. And if you want to learn more about processing your pain and unresolved feelings, come back as I will write more about that soon. Meanwhile, leave me a comment or question.
Until next time, I wish you much health, happiness, and great relationship success.
Mikko Kemppe
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