25 July 2009 ~ Comments

Can Salsa Dance Partners Be “Just Partners”?

Dating and Salsa Dancing

dance-partners

Photo by Dark_Mephi

Okay, if you are reading this, you are probably a dancer or maybe are just curious about the topic. Maybe you have a friend of the opposite sex and you are wondering whether a man and woman can just be friends.

In the Salsa and other dance communities there are lots of interesting relationships. Many individuals have girlfriends and boyfriends, yet also have a dance partner of the opposite sex. Some are married couples or are in a relationship and are dance partners as well. Still other dance partners are singles. So, as you can see, the combinations can be varied, with each scenario having the potential for some serious dance drama.☺ Add to that mix a team of many different dance couples and what you have is truly a spicy mélange of Salsa relationships (and all of this without even mentioning same sex relationships) on the dance floor.

But the main question here is whether dance partners can be “just friends.” Do dancing and partnering with the opposite sex eventually lead to something more than just a platonic relationship? Meaning, does dance partnering lead to cheating or to having sex?

Before I answer that, let’s look at some realities. The reality is that men who are friends with women often want more than just a friendship. Men are usually not friends with women if they are not also interested in them, even on some level. Women, on the contrary, may be more comfortable initially having a platonic relationship with a guy. Becoming comfortable with a man can sometimes lead her to be more and more attracted to him as she spends time with him.

I personally know how easy it is for an attraction to develop while dancing. As I explained in my previous article: “Is Salsa Dancing Hurting Or Helping Your Life And Relationships,” Salsa dancing can create an almost drug- like high. Add to that the hormonal bond you create with your dance partner, as explained in my first Salsa article: “Why Go Salsa Dancing If You Are Single: Here Are Five Great Reasons,” and it is easy to realize why dancing has been used throughout a history as a dating ritual.

This brings us back to our question: Is it possible to be just dance partners? I say, yes, it is possible. The reason is because in most serious dance relationships there is also a third element introduced, and that is the love for the dance. Just as it is possible for men and women to be “just” partners in work relationships, the very same is true in dance relationships. And while the dance environment can often create an atmosphere for “something more” undoubtedly more so than regular work, in the end it is up to the two individuals to choose and define the nature of their relationship.

Furthermore, while I have met some people with questionable partnering intentions, I have met many more responsible and consenting adults who partner up to dance truly for the love of the art. So, as with any relationship or friendship dynamic, it is not the dance partnership that will cause “something more” to happen between the individuals, but it will be the choices or discrete intentions of those individuals that will introduce this dimension.

So, if you are a husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend of someone who wants to partner up to dance with someone of the opposite sex, I would not be worried unless you think he/she might cheat on you in some other way too. On the other hand, if you are a single dancer and you want to increase your chances of developing an attraction, acquiring a dance partner can be a great way to cultivate and develop that.

While these two ideas may sound mutually exclusive, in reality they are not. The reason is that in both cases we have the ability to choose our actions and define our relationship with the other person. If you are married or involved with someone, you can retain the dance relationship strictly as such. On the other hand, if you are both single, you can choose to flirt with your partner and see how he/she responds.

In all cases, I always recommend being completely honest to yourself and to your partner. That way, you will save yourself from unnecessary dance drama. ☺ That is, unless you just really want to create some, of course. ☺

I wish you great partnerships both in your love and dance life.

Sincerely,

Mikko Kemppe


Hey, now that you have taken the time to read my article, please take a little more a make sure to leave me a comment below :) or take a look at some of my other articles here!

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  • Anonymous
    Great topic. I am single in the Salsa scene. I am open to meeting some one who could play a significant role in my life, but have found it difficult, even impossible.  I am a mature attractive woman of color and have no problem attracting a large variety of men dance partners, and as some have asked to be lovers as well.  I find the dancing and the energy created between you can be incredible (like mini affairs). I find the constant stimulus makes it all too easy for men and women to flirt with the idea of  sexual contact. I have been approached by attached, married and single men for years. There is an unspoken undercurrent , if you are connecting on the dance floor there is a connection on an intimate level. The casual manner that many men and women get together today seems to have created a" no rules attitude".  I have seen this attitude  backfire,  if you fell to the temptation then got together with a man from the scene sexually, it usually ruined the dance connection, as it became muddied with what is your future intentions? or I call it the now " ice-man treatment" when ever you are around, but trying to keep a backdoor open on occasion.  I would rather stay dance partners; which leads to being wary of connecting intimately with anyone in the scene, I have rarely found the maturity and communication skills developed enough to sustain a positive friendship.

  • Thank you for sharing that T!

  • T
    From my own personal experience, I have been involved with my dance partner. As you said, it is a great thing for couples to share the same passions and it was wonderful to be able to share the passion of dance with my ex-boyfriend. It brought us closer as a couple to share such an interest and made our dancing that much more great. We had great chemistry romantically so that easily translated to our dancing. On the downside, sharing the love of dance meant we were basically attached at the hip - we taught dance classes together, attended all dance related events together, and practiced dance together on top of that. While it was wonderful to spend so much time together, it meant not having much alone time for ourselves. I can't say that was a problem for us per say but I saw how it was a problem for other couples in the studio who were dance partners as well.
    I think the major downside to couples who are dance partners is that if there is ever a problem or conflict in that dance partnership, it also affects the romantic relationship. It's basically taking work problems home. And as you said, it's a lot easier for a person to get hurt by their dance partner if that dance partner also happens to be their significant other. It's a common occurrence for me to see dance partners bicker and I can only imagine how it affects dance partners who are together as a couple. I've seen how the stress of dance can be on couples and have seen couples break up - either professionally, romantically, or both.
  • T
    You're welcome. My friend & I were listing the pros & cons for him as he is in the same situation - looking for a dance partner as well as a significant other - not necessarily all in one but wouldn't turn it down if that just so happened to be the case. I find the topic quite fascinating because I'm pretty much surrounded by dancers all day. Dance can pretty much be the best thing for people in relationships and can also be a bad thing for relationships.
  • I find the topic fascinating as well. It is interesting and complicated because on one hand it is good that couples have some shared interests, but on the other hand spending too much time together and not having separated lives from each other can easily become very stressful as well.

    Furthermore, it is so easy for us guys (and gals) to unknowingly become critical to our partner in a dance partnership, and when you are working so close to together it is very easy for one person to get his/her feelings hurt by the other.

    Being so close to dancers, what have you found to be best or worst thing about dancing for couples?
  • Hi T,
    Thanks for your comment! Yes, I have experienced both as well, and I agree both definitely have its pros and cons.
  • T
    Great post Mikko! A friend & I were discussing the very same topic. From personal experience, I have been through both the just being dance partners and being in a relationship as well as dance partners. Both have its pros and cons for sure. It's great to share a common love for something and that love for dance can enhance both a friendship and romantic relationship. So I definitely agree that two people can just be dance partners and not be romantically involved.
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