Facebook: Is It Hurting Or Helping Your Relationships?
Everyone seems to be signed up on one social media site or another; Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Youtube, Flickr, Reddit, and the list just go on and on. But are these social networks really helping or hurting your relationships?
While social media sites can be a great way to connect with your distant friends, to chat and find your old friends from high-school, to learn new things about your current friends, and to keep abreast with the latest, there is a also a less positive side to using these sites. Every minute or hour you spend online keeps you from developing, cultivating, and spending face-to-face time with your friends and loved ones.
“What’s the big deal?” you ask, especially if you are a guy! Well, scientifically speaking, it is the loving and friendly human interaction that is one of the best ways to reduce stress and deal with the challenges that life brings, especially if you are a woman. The fact is that women today are probably more stressed and overwhelmed than ever before in the history of the world. And while social media websites are often a good replacement for conversation and interaction, in fact, they cannot replace real human interaction.
Later on this article, I will discuss only one of the major drawbacks that comes from spending too much time online at the expense of real relationships, and I will omit many of the other drawbacks like cheating, developing addictions, and other issues.
So, why is human interaction so important? There was once a simple experiment done where babies were removed from their mothers and isolated in a sterile environment right after their birth to protect the newborns from infection. These babies were fed and cared for with very little human touch. The point of the experiment was to see how these babies would fare without their mothers’ contact. The unfortunate consequence was that after some time many of these babies started to die. Human contact and touch for babies is vital. In fact, the same is true for adults. The truth is that when we are connected and have conversation with others there is much more transferred than just words or ideas.
I am sure you have experienced being around a particular person who, for no apparent reason, suddenly makes you feel better. Or maybe you have walked into a room full of people and all of sudden you have not felt comfortable at all. Each of us resonates with different frequencies. Some frequencies like nuclear waste can be very harmful and other frequencies like roses or nature can be very helpful. When two people share a loving and friendly conversation we often feel better afterwards.
Research shows that talking and sharing in a loving manner produces the hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin promotes well-being and happiness. When measured by cortisol level, oxytocin has been shown to lower stress in women. This is why talking and sharing is particularly helpful for women. While men also enjoy the rise of oxytocin levels and the resulting good feelings, higher oxytocin levels do not lower stress in men unless the conversation is geared toward problem solving. Solving problems stimulates the male hormone testosterone that lowers stress in men.
On an interesting side note, this is how the flight or fight theory was developed – by concluding that under stress we either flee or fight. However, the interesting point about this theory that for a long time applied to both men and women is that all the research was done on men because women were considered to be unreliable on account of their hormonal fluctuations. It was not until a study was done by two women in UCLA who researched how women react to stress, that the “tend and befriend” theory was discovered. This theory explained how women under stress generally tend to something, like care for a baby or call a friend.
Cultivating and developing real friendships have been shown to promote better health and well-being, as well as make a person happier. So make sure that the next time you use Facebook or other social media sites you also schedule an appointment, date, or party to share with someone in real life. ☺
What do you think? How has Facebook or other social media sites either helped you or hurt you in your relationships?
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