Mikko, Why Can’t I Find “Mrs. Right,” Now That I Am Ready To Settle?
Mikko, I am a nice, good looking, responsible guy, make a good living, and even do Salsa dancing. I consider myself to be a good catch. Over the years, I have dated several different women and have generally not had any trouble finding nice dates. But now that I am getting little older, I am 34, I feel like I am really ready to settle down. For some reason, I am having a hard time attracting “Mrs. Right.” When I was a committed bachelor ☺ just looking to have fun, everything seemed so much easier. Why can’t I find “Mrs. Right”?
Ready To Settle, San Francisco, CA
Dear Ready To Settle,
So, everything seems to be going great in your life with everything in order, except that one little missing piece – you have not found “Mrs. Right.” It seems as if you are doing everything correctly: You are making a great living, you’ve got the looks, you are responsible, and you have even heeded my advice for singles, as I mentioned in the article: “Five Great Reasons To Start Salsa Dancing If You Are Single.”☺ Yet, despite all of these things, for some reason it has only become harder for you to find “Mrs. Right.”
Maybe you are just too good of a catch!☺ Just kidding. But seriously, why has it become harder for you to find “Mrs. Right”? Well, first of all, while this situation may seem to be very negative, really this is a sign of maturity. While in your younger years, you may have chosen to date women who were physically attractive, now you are looking for more in a relationship. You have probably become more discern about the women you choose to date. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back for growing up and becoming wiser – you deserve it.
In one of my recent articles: “Why Men Become Players, And Why Are Women Often Attracted To Them,” I discuss how as we men mature, we become more aware that if we are to find our soul mate it is important to recognize that we want more than purely a physical relationship, but we also need a mental and emotional connection as part of a life-long relationship.
And while there are millions of women with whom we can have a physical attraction, there are far fewer women with whom we can feel intellectual and emotional chemistry as well. And from that pool of women, once you are ready and able to recognize the right one, you can even find one with whom there is a spiritual connection.
At this point, let me make a little disclaimer. Whenever I talk about physical, emotional, or spiritual chemistry, understand that just because you might feel mental chemistry with one person and not with another, does not mean that the other person is of lesser intelligence. Chemistry on all levels is something that is there or is not. It is something that you cannot measure or cultivate. For example, I am sure at some time or another you have been with someone where there was a special energy. This was simply good chemistry. It might have been a strong physical, mental, or emotional connection. There is really no known reason for this; it is simply either there or not.
But enough about chemistry, let’s get back to our topic. The important question here is how do you prepare yourself to recognize the right one for you?
Before we answer that, let’s explore an important concept. Maturity sometimes comes with a price. Often as we mature we tend to lose the ability to relax, have fun, or just let go. When we are little, we live fully in the moment by just enjoying life, playing, and being happy. But as we get older, the pressures of society, our parents, friends and peers, bosses, and even our self-imposed pressures become a burden. We become too serious about life. We get stuck in our ways, forgetting how to just have fun and enjoy life.
When this happens, we expect life to be a certain way, our marriage and partner to be a certain way, our dating to be a certain way, etc. While it is great to know what you want, it is just as important to enjoy and be happy with what you already have. Being grateful while at the same time passionately continuing to want more is the key to attracting more in your life.
So, my advice is this: Let go of the expectation of finding “Mrs. Right,” but continue to want to have that in your life. Sounds like a contradiction? Well, it is not. When you become too attached to wanting a specific outcome, you are actually becoming your own hindrance to achieving this. By letting go of the expectation of finding “Mrs. Right,” you can start dating just to have fun. This will allow you to ask those women out that you may not even have considered before because, in your mind, they were not marriage material. By learning to have fun again and appreciating the life you already have, you begin to open the door to more and better things.
You will soon discover more about yourself, and will free your date from the pressures of conforming to your requirements. She can relax and have fun with you. This is very attractive to women.
If a woman senses that you are becoming serious and ready to commit too early, she may mistrust your judgment. She will ask herself: “How can I possibly trust this guy’s judgment if he’s ready to commit but doesn’t take the time to fully know me?” Then, she goes on to think: “How can he know that I am the right one for him if he hasn’t even seen me on my bad days when I am really not my usual loving self?” My point is that even if you are getting ready to commit to someone, you don’t want to come on too strong too early, but you want to give the relationship time to develop (unless, of course the two of you happen to click right way).
I promise you, as your goal becomes to create positive and fun dating experiences, you will be preparing the road for “Mrs. Right” to enter your life. So, go get them Mr. Hot Stuff!!!☺
