I am really curious to learn more. For example, how did you first begun to have a conversation about wanting to have triad? Was that something you guys decided even before marriage or somewhere along the way?
How and why do you think most couples come to the decision? Did the triad actually make your sexual experiences even better? And if so, how?
Would you recommend it for couples or does it take a certain kind of relationship or personality for it to be successful? I really value anything you care to share.

Thanks again for visiting the site and for coming to share about your experiences!

I really appreciate and value your perspective here.

You said: “Choice… If you want to be monogamous find and connect with someone who feels the same. If you want polyamory then find someone who feels the same.”

On that point, I completely agree with. I am simply doing my best to try to make people aware of all of the benefits of monogamy and potential harms of polyamorous relationships so that people can make as educated choices as possible towards choosing monogamy .

But seriously, I agree with you, ultimately I think everyone should choose what they feel right in their heart and that what is right path for one is wrong for another and vice versa.

So thanks again for sharing! I would love to hear more about what you have found positive and negative about your experiences compared to monogamous relationships, so please come back and share those with us or if you ever write your own blog post come back and post it to this thread!

-Mikko

The “right thing” to do is what ever that couple has come together and agreed is best to serve their relationship ideals and preferences. Period.

The problems comes up when one is poly and one is mono and they are out hurting each other in attempt to either fit in with society, live up to someone elses expectations and/or trying to convert yourself or partner from one to the other.

@Mikko, you said: “Saying that a monogamous relationship lacks variety and choice and that therefore it is better to have more partners or choices…”. I don't know who said this as I am not here to say what is 'better' or worse. I'm offering perspective on the situation is all :0).

I also think your example of drugs and toys fits my point as some like drugs and some like toys.. the trick is to find someone who shares your beliefs and you are off to the races.

Getting back to needs vs. wants again are we?? LOLOL If we NEED a good happy relationship then we will WANT to find someone who shares our ideals especially about a NEED like sex and sexual expression. It works the same if you switch the words needs and wants around too, funny enough ;0).

Thanks for your comment. I do think that people in polyamorous relationships act with integrity also. If all parties are honest with each other they are honoring each others wishes and I believe it is possible for participants in these relationship arrangements to keep commitments just like in a monogamous relationship.

Thanks for your follow up. You are bringing up some interesting points here.

You said:”I have one word for you that no matter how great a relationship is, it will always be missing: Variety. I'll add another here too: Choice.”

I completely understand what you mean, but I disagree. I think you can have variety and plenty of different choices within a monogamous relationship. In terms of sex, this could mean different things for different people like trying different positions, toys, places, games etc..

Saying that a monogamous relationship lacks variety and choice and that therefore it is better to have more partners or choices is like saying that drinking a glass of wine at nights with a good book is boring and therefore you should sometimes try cocaine or heroine at a party.

If I would talk to a happy cocaine or heroine addict I am sure they would swear that I should try it too, but I would still assume that in the long run it would not be good for you and it would lead to making your life only more complicated.

I think it is normal to crave variety and choice and I agree with you that at times we all do. However, I think it makes all of the difference in the world to be able to recognize what it is that you really need to be happy vs. what your mind wants.

I think we often don't really recognize what we really need in life. Out of touch with what we really need we then become confused and start looking for what we want. It is like when you are hungry and you start searching for something in your refrigerator. But you can't see or find anything that you want. You then open the freezer door, look around, and you see the Ben & Jerry ice cream and you say to yourself: “Oh, that's what I want!!!”. Of course, what your body really needs to be healthy and happy is a good nutritious meal instead.

Once in a while we all crave it. Whether it is a need vs. a want is inconsequential.

Following your food analogy:

My husband will not eat left overs more than once regardless how how great the meal and he refuses to eat the same thing for breakfast day in and out (like I do). Nothing, I do repeat NOTHING is wrong with the food.

He loves to eat but even a 5 star, 5 course would be in the trash if it wasn't for the garbage disposal (a.k.a ME, who will eat a pot of beans everyday 'til it's gone! lol)

You also said: “What I do assume is that the reason someone wants to share one's self with another within the security of a stable partner is because he/she is not satisfied with the way his/her current relationship is”.

You should talk to more people in happy open relationships/marriages and ask them what is it that they aren't satisfied with about the way their relationship is. Then you'll get real answers and no longer need to assume.