Should You Date A Guy Who Is Already Taken?
So, you’ve found this great guy. He makes you laugh, he is good looking, he makes you feel like a woman, and you two have a fantastic time together. You can’t help but be in awe of how romantic he is and how he seems to understand you and what you think. It seems like you share so much. You have great conversations, and even the sex with him is out of this world. In your mind, you are thinking he is the perfect guy for you; he may even be your soul mate. However, there is one little problem – he is already in a committed exclusive relationship with someone else.
During those quiet and reflective moments, you hear this lurking voice in the back of your mind, questioning your actions, and making you ask yourself whether you should be seeing or trusting this guy. These are probably some of those nagging questions: Is it really possible that he could end up just wanting to be with me? Should I feel guilty for having an affair with this man? Does he really like me? Is he just playing games with me? Am I really a fool for falling for this man? Can I trust myself and my own judgment?
But soon you brush off those voices of doubt, and you start thinking about how life would be so different, so much better, if only you were in his arms again.
And so, the original question remains: Should you be seeing this guy who is already taken or married?
Before I give you my answer, let’s clarify something right off. Are you a fool for falling for this guy? Of course not. Unfortunately, affairs are a common occurrence. And believe me, you are not the only one who has ever fallen for a married or committed man. Should you feel guilty for what you are doing? Not really; after all, you’re not the one who is doing the cheating and lying.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that anyone get involved with a married or taken man. Rather let’s simply explore why you maybe falling for this guy in the first place.
First of all, when a guy shows attention, buys you gifts, takes you out on a date, compliments your looks, adores your body, or makes you feel special in any other way, it makes you feel good. Nobody can blame you for wanting to feel good and feel special. Ultimately, each of us simply wants and needs to love and be loved.
And the more sensitive we are, the more easily skewed this innocent, sweet, and delicate desire to love and be loved can often become. For example, what happens frequently is that the more you have been betrayed in the past – whether in your child or adult years – the more you tend to have trouble trusting real love. Simply speaking, if someone has betrayed your trust, or even if you have only witnessed betrayal, it is understandable that you become more cautious in trusting others.
Unfortunately, this inability to trust in love often pushes us to look for love in all the wrong places. When we have deep unresolved feelings of betrayal and have trouble trusting, ironically, we tend to trust all the wrong people.
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But make no mistake about it – when you trust the words of someone who is having an affair or cheating on his wife or girlfriend, you are trusting the words of a liar. No matter how good he makes you feel, realize that unless he is being completely honest with his wife or girlfriend about the relationship the two of you are having, he is lying, or at the very least, keeping secrets. And if he is lying to his partner, you should very carefully question his ability to be honest with you or with anyone else.
If you fully understand this and you simply want to have some fun then that is one thing. But, if for a minute you think that anything he says can be trusted, I would remind you that in reality he is cheating or having an affair with you, which means that he is very capable of lying even to those that he may believe he loves the most.
This does not necessarily make him a bad person. After all, we are all human and we all make mistakes and deserve to be forgiven. It does mean that no matter how much you think he might be the perfect person for you, realize that he is obviously incapable of having an honest relationship. And it is neither your job nor responsibility to try to rehabilitate this guy to become more honest or to grow up.
So, before continuing to be with him, think about whether you really want to be with someone who is dishonest. Obviously, everyone deserves to be in an honest and loving relationship. And by leaving him, I believe you are not only doing the best thing for you, but for him as well. Trust me, you deserve better.
Now that you have heard what I think about it, what do you think? Have you ever been on either side of this sort of situation? Do you think there is anytime that you think dating a taken guy may work out for the best? And why do you think some of us get involved with men or women who are already committed elsewhere? Share your thoughts!
