Comments on: Mikko, Can Exes Just Be Friends?

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:48:01 +0000

Hi Honey! I am sure he was not thrilled about it . But you seemed to have done a great job with your blog and partnership. I agree that observing how someone talks about their ex can tell a lot about how they might still feel about them.

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:45:35 +0000

Thanks for your response Anisa. That certainly seems like a very logical and reasonable conclusion. I will look to write follow up blog soon. Thanks for the idea!

By: Honey

Honey — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:06:52 +0000

Well, you can imagine that my boyfriend wasn’t thrilled when I told him I wanted to start a sex, dating, pickup, relationship-advice blog with one of my exes.

But the blog’s been around for almost two years now, and the boyfriend almost four! So it can be done – what I’d worry about is how the person talked about him/her. If someone talks about their ex and gets very worked up, then the possibility exists that they’re either not ready to date yet or that they’re hung up on that specific person.

By: urbanchick

urbanchick — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:22:01 +0000

Anisa,

I agree w you, it seems there are more options around these days for what a ‘relationship’ is. But I think it’s because we allow it to happen.

At the end of the day you have to know what you’re looking for, watch for signs and act on it. For example, a guy will treat you like a booty call if you allow him. If you’re looking for a LTR and meet a guy with whom you have a lot in common and share great chemistry, and he’s only calling you last minute to come over at 9:30, rather than ask you out on a proper date and call to see how your day went, well that’s your answer.

I realize I’m getting off topic here, but I think Anisa’s right that OP shold be suspecious of this scenario.

By: Anisa

Anisa — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:10:03 +0000

hai Mikko,

I read:

1. close friendship with 3 exes
2. they are very dear to him
3. he demands complete freedom in his association with them

Therefore my conclusion: still very emotionally attached with all three of them.

I am looking forward to your article about the additional value of a “relationship” nowadays in the supermarket of feelings and benefits that the datingworld often is (I hope not always).

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:35:28 +0000

Hi Anisa,

What a wonderfully honest responses you have written. From the description above what made you conclude that the man in question is very emotionally attached to all of his three exes? Certainly, I agree with you that if you want a more serious relationship, it is good for you to let go of a guy who is holding exes with benefits or calling only for booty-calls.

As for your question: what is the additional value of a "relationship" that is an excellent one, and I will be sure to write a new article to answer it. Thanks for being in our community again!

By: Anisa

Anisa — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:17:11 +0000

Maybe this is one of the today-drama’s of relationships: where are the borders nowadays. We don’t want to choose anymore, we want to have it all: Friends, friends with benefits, friendship with exes, booty-calls, platonic-soulmates etc. etc. If you already have all of that why do you need a relationship anymore if not because of reasons like “raising a family”, “more money/status” and so on. What is the additional value of a “relationship”
Or am I being too cynical?

By: Anisa

Anisa — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:43:10 +0000

I think the girl has to run very hard, and not put all her eggs in one basket: the relationship with a man who is possibly a serial poly-amorist. The comment of Andrea sounds very theoretical to me. A relationship is above all a matter of feelings and loyalty. And to me a man who is sooo very emotionally attached to THREE of his exes is sooo very not sexy and attractive.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:55:16 +0000

I have to say that I think that every person has to be examined and treated as an individual. While there are plenty of men that keep exes around to be casual sex partners, there are just as many that hold genuine friendships with them. It would be folly to tell a woman to back away because of this. I am friends with every ex since high school, all but one of which are now happily married, and their wives are also my friends and are women who respected that we had a friendship that was much more valuable than a relationship. This girl should take the time to find out what kind of man he is, and to find out what kind of friendships they have before running out on him. Maybe they only ever talk on the phone, or online, or maybe they have lunch every week. Are any of these women single, dating, married? It would not bode well for a potential relationship if a guy doesn’t feel like his relationships are valued by his girlfriend. Also, for the friend, it sucks to have to lose a male friend because his new girlfriend doesn’t trust or respect either of them. Is it fair to make a man put all of his eggs in one basket-the new relationship? If it doesn’t work, then he may have lost a friend. A woman, IMO, who tries to change a man, will lose that man.
Andrea´s last blog ..Lazy on the links

By: Anisa

Anisa — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:06:55 +0000

I think this is sooo not romantic.

If he was willing to make his new date/relationship a priority, he wouldn’t beforehand claim complete freedom in his association with his exes, to see them on regular basis for example, wining and dining etc. He is offering a conditional love.

In the past I believed strongly in friendship between men and women. Because I am able to have that kind of realtionship with a man (who is not an ex of mine). But now, after several experiences, I am convinced that always one of them is having romantic feelings for the other.

It seems to me that the exes in this casus are still having feelings for him and are spending time with him waiting who he is going to choose in the end maybe? Maybe because he is “a good catch” and they were once in an intimate relationship with him, which was ended by him? And I can imagine that they didn’t give hope yet, because he is enjoying their companionship at such a level that he is making them a priority in his life.

I think it is best for exes to release each other, letting each other go and say goodbye wishing each other all the best in creating their one future and happiness.

A loving memory is one thing, seeing each other on regular basis is another. As long as both of them are single I don’t think it is a problem for anyone. But I personally don’t believe that a new relationship will bloom well under such circumstances.

To me it is a question of romantic integrity. But maybe I am too romantic