Should You Get Into A Relationship? What Is Really The Point?
One of my regular readers asked a great question. What is the additional benefit of being in a relationship? It seems like more and more people today don’t believe in traditional marriages or relationships anymore. Many wait much longer to get married and some opt not to marry at all. Others are satisfied simply with being single. Some want only one nightstands or friends with benefits.
Yet others want even more than the traditional committed monogamous relationship, such a polyamourous relationship. Many after not finding their relationships satisfying end up cheating or having affairs.
Divorces are at all time high, our gender roles are blurring, and we seem to be more confused and stressed out with our lives today than ever before. With so much confusion, stress, and struggle in our relationships, no wonder many have begun to question what is really even the point? Why should you even want to put yourself through wanting to create or have one?
So is there some additional benefit to having a relationship compared to being single?
As a relationship coach you might have already guessed my answer, which is, of course, yes there are many additional benefits for having a loving committed relationship. But what may be more interesting than hearing my answer, is the reasons why I believe this is so. So let’s get right into briefly exploring just one of those reasons.
First of all, having and participating in an intimate relationship with a person you love can be one of the best ways of coping with stress for both men and women. While probably no one questions whether our lives have become more stressful, many might question why I believe intimate relationship can be one of the best ways for coping with stress.
After all, undoubtedly for many relationships have not only not helped them cope with stress, but probably have become major source of one. So what makes me say with confidence that a committed intimate relationship can be a major source of happiness and fulfillment? Allow me to explain.
Hormonally speaking romantic intimate relationship can be one of the best simulators of testosterone for men and oxytocin for women. Simplistically speaking, high testosterone levels equates to more happiness, lower stress, increased sex drive, and better health in men, while high levels of oxytocin equates to more happiness, lower stress, increased feelings of passion, and better health in women.
Whenever a man anticipates or feels like he is making his wife or partner happy his testosterone levels are being stimulated. For example, whenever his wife appreciates him for something he has done, like thanking him for working so hard to pay the bills for their family in his mind he feels like all of the sacrifices that he has made for working hard are worth it, and as a result his brain rewards him with more testosterone.
Whenever a man gives a hug to his wife, particularly after she has had a hard day, she remembers that she is not alone in this world, and as a result her brain produces more oxytocin.
So just on a very basic hormonal level the benefits for being in a loving relationship can be tremendous. However, having said that, to receive these hormonal benefits it is, of course, not enough just to be in any relationship. And furthermore, in many cases it is not enough to simply repeat what you have learned from your parents.
Times have changed and so has relationship dynamics. Just as you would not expect to be able to learn to operate the latest computer software in your computer because you or your parents were great with calculators, it is completely naïve to think that you will be able to just magically have a great relationship without putting some effort into learning some more skills.
But trust me, once you start learning more and become more adept to handle the new difficulties and challenges that we face to make our relationships work, the benefits that you can reap can be tremendous. Relationships do not have to be hard, but if you want yours to be better it is time to start updating your skills.
In my next article, I will explain one of the most important relationship skills that will lead to happier, healthier, and more passionate relationships, so make sure to come back soon. In the meanwhile, share your thoughts; do you think relationship dynamics changed? Do you think that what we expect from our relationships today have changed from what our parents or grandparents expected from them? If so, how? Do you think it is important or necessary to learn new relationship skills? And finally, do you think there are any benefits for being in relationships today?
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