17 November 2009 ~ Comments

Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good?

Dating Tips For Men Dating Tips For Women

Michelle Obama

Photo by U.S. Army

Just recently on an interview for a magazine, Mrs. Obama urges women not to choose men simply because they are “cute”. “Cute is good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person?,” she said.” Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul.” When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.” To read the whole article, click here.

While some might take this advice with a grain of salt since it comes from high profile person who has to portray a certain public image, I find this advice very good. In my article: “How Do I Know If I Have Found The Right One?” I explain that in order to find the right one for you certain preconditions have to be met, one of them which is that your heart has to be open. To read about the other preconditions, click here.

Unless your heart is open it is impossible for you to recognize the right one for you. It is also when your heart is open that you are able to recognize what feels or does not feel good to you. This idea is very easy to misunderstand. Let me explain. First of all, following your heart and what feels good does not mean that you don’t also have to make sense of things in your mind. It simply means that after you have thought critically and rationally about a situation it is important that you finally go with what in your heart feels good.

For example, sometimes your mind, and maybe also your friends ☺, may say to you that getting involved with a particular guy/girl is a very bad idea, but you just find him/her so attractive that you just can’t resist getting involved. So you choose not to listen to your mind and rationalize that since in your heart you feel like this is the right thing to do, you will go ahead and do it. And while it may in fact be the right thing to do in order for you to learn certain life lessons, this is not necessarily what I mean by following your heart and what feels good.

Better scenario for finding the right one for you by listening to your heart would go something like this: you meet a guy or a lady, and in your mind you find them very interesting, you share some similar life values, you might have many different and maybe also some shared interests, and this person seems like someone who could be the right one for you. In your mind they seem like a great partner for you, but you might still have your doubts. At this time it is important that you consult your heart and finally go with what feels good. While this person may or may not seem like a perfect person, ask yourself does he/she makes you feel good. If you are a man, even better question to ask yourself is does her happiness make you happy? If you are a woman, more specific question to ask yourself is does he make you happy?

It is potentially at these moments when your heart is open that you will be able to develop your ability to recognize whether someone is the right one for you. So I agree with Mrs. Obama, while cuteness and pocketbook may be something to consider while choosing your soul mate, what it is even more important is to consider their character, their heart, and their soul, and finally go with what feels good in your heart.

What do you think? Share your thoughts. Do you agree or disagree with Mrs. Obama? Do you think it is important to follow your heart and what feels good when choosing to be with a person or while trying to recognize the right one for you?



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Hey, now that you have taken the time to read my article, please take a little more a make sure to leave me a comment below :) or take a look at some of my other articles here!

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  • Hi Urbanchick,

    Yes, I agree with you. For us to be happiest in a relationship it is very important to understand these male/female dynamics just as you said.

    Men primarily need to feel appreciated and women to feel cared for in a relationship. Some men may not even know how good it feels to be appreciated for when they take the risk to really care for someone. Not feeling appreciated often then leads men to unknowingly wanting to gain respect.

    This is where the thinking that says: "why should I care for your happiness more than you care for mine" comes from. I used to think that way. But I still remember the first time I really stepped out of my comfort zone to bring a rose to one of my girlfriends that I was dating at a time and how fantastic it felt to see the beautiful smile it brought to her face.

    Now obviously this does not mean that the women does not have just as much responsibility in making herself happy. In fact, she is fully responsible for making herself happy. In a healthy relationship, her life, her friends, here work,etc. should be like the main meal, and you as her guy should just be her desert to top it all off.

    To expect to live on desert alone would in a long run leave anyone only sick, unhappy, overweight, and miserable.
    .-= Mikko Kemppe´s last blog ..Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good? =-.
  • urbanchick
    Aris, Mikko's not saying that a wife's happiness is the ONLY thing that matters. It has more to do with the dynamics of male/female relationships.

    Guys like to do things, have 'jobs'. In a relatinship a man's job is to make his partner happy. A decent guy will WANT to do this - open the door, carry your bag, fix your leaky drain, make you laugh - if he's not then it's a red flag.

    In return the gal should show her appreciation for what the guy is doing to make her feel happy, make him feel like he's #1 for doing this.

    In order for this to happen the gal FIRST needs to know what makes her happy (I believe it's this sort of confidence that men find attractive - Mikko, am i right?) Otherwise the guy keeps trying and she's never happy, he gets fraustrated, she's still unhappy and either takes it out on him or he feels that it's his fault or that nothing is good enough for her.
  • Aris
    Mikko, it appears that we finally disagree on something. (Or not.) We may be saying the same things, but going at it from different directions. So, I'll elaborate on what I think you're saying, and then throw in my thoughts. So, you are obviously saying that a happy marriage is one where the husband is in tune with what makes his wife happy. I don't necessarily disagree with this, but the sad part is that you make no mention of the wife's responsibility to make the husband happy as well. Shouldn't the marriage be a partnership instead of both parties looking out for the happiness of the woman? Shouldn't the relationship be based on a mutual respect? In addition, the woman has just as much responsibility in making herself happy in the relationship. I don't think it's healthy for the woman to base her happiness on the actions of her partner.
  • Yes Aris, you got it, that is exactly what I am saying :), the secret to great relationship is to primarily make sure that the woman is happy. I am not necessarily saying that a marriage can survive if the husband is unhappy, but as guys we take credit for her happiness and even if everything else is going wrong in our life if our wife is happy we will automatically feel better about ourselves and happier because of it. I think I will actually write a blog post about it. You gave me another good idea! Thanks my friend! :)
    .-= Mikko Kemppe´s last blog ..Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good? =-.
  • Aris
    "If you are a man, even better question to ask yourself is does her happiness make you happy? If you are a woman, more specific question to ask yourself is does he make you happy? "

    These two sentences make me chuckle. Are you saying that the secret to a happy marriage is keeping the woman happy? (Just like the old saying, "Happy wife. Happy life.") Are you saying that a marriage can survive if the husband is unhappy, but if the wife is not happy, then nobody is happy?
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