Comments on: Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good?

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 22:10:00 +0000

Hi Urbanchick,

Yes, I agree with you. For us to be happiest in a relationship it is very important to understand these male/female dynamics just as you said.

Men primarily need to feel appreciated and women to feel cared for in a relationship. Some men may not even know how good it feels to be appreciated for when they take the risk to really care for someone. Not feeling appreciated often then leads men to unknowingly wanting to gain respect.

This is where the thinking that says: “why should I care for your happiness more than you care for mine” comes from. I used to think that way. But I still remember the first time I really stepped out of my comfort zone to bring a rose to one of my girlfriends that I was dating at a time and how fantastic it felt to see the beautiful smile it brought to her face.

Now obviously this does not mean that the women does not have just as much responsibility in making herself happy. In fact, she is fully responsible for making herself happy. In a healthy relationship, her life, her friends, here work,etc. should be like the main meal, and you as her guy should just be her desert to top it all off.

To expect to live on desert alone would in a long run leave anyone only sick, unhappy, overweight, and miserable.
Mikko Kemppe´s last blog ..Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good?

By: urbanchick

urbanchick — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:31:47 +0000

Aris, Mikko’s not saying that a wife’s happiness is the ONLY thing that matters. It has more to do with the dynamics of male/female relationships.

Guys like to do things, have ‘jobs’. In a relatinship a man’s job is to make his partner happy. A decent guy will WANT to do this – open the door, carry your bag, fix your leaky drain, make you laugh – if he’s not then it’s a red flag.

In return the gal should show her appreciation for what the guy is doing to make her feel happy, make him feel like he’s #1 for doing this.

In order for this to happen the gal FIRST needs to know what makes her happy (I believe it’s this sort of confidence that men find attractive – Mikko, am i right?) Otherwise the guy keeps trying and she’s never happy, he gets fraustrated, she’s still unhappy and either takes it out on him or he feels that it’s his fault or that nothing is good enough for her.

By: Aris

Aris — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:33:50 +0000

Mikko, it appears that we finally disagree on something. (Or not.) We may be saying the same things, but going at it from different directions. So, I’ll elaborate on what I think you’re saying, and then throw in my thoughts. So, you are obviously saying that a happy marriage is one where the husband is in tune with what makes his wife happy. I don’t necessarily disagree with this, but the sad part is that you make no mention of the wife’s responsibility to make the husband happy as well. Shouldn’t the marriage be a partnership instead of both parties looking out for the happiness of the woman? Shouldn’t the relationship be based on a mutual respect? In addition, the woman has just as much responsibility in making herself happy in the relationship. I don’t think it’s healthy for the woman to base her happiness on the actions of her partner.

By: Mikko Kemppe

Mikko Kemppe — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:22:07 +0000

Yes Aris, you got it, that is exactly what I am saying , the secret to great relationship is to primarily make sure that the woman is happy. I am not necessarily saying that a marriage can survive if the husband is unhappy, but as guys we take credit for her happiness and even if everything else is going wrong in our life if our wife is happy we will automatically feel better about ourselves and happier because of it. I think I will actually write a blog post about it. You gave me another good idea! Thanks my friend!
Mikko Kemppe´s last blog ..Is Michelle Obama’s Relationship Advice For Finding The Right One Good?

By: Aris

Aris — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:54:14 +0000

“If you are a man, even better question to ask yourself is does her happiness make you happy? If you are a woman, more specific question to ask yourself is does he make you happy? ”

These two sentences make me chuckle. Are you saying that the secret to a happy marriage is keeping the woman happy? (Just like the old saying, “Happy wife. Happy life.”) Are you saying that a marriage can survive if the husband is unhappy, but if the wife is not happy, then nobody is happy?