How To Apologize To A Woman – (Part III of V)
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Have you ever wondered how to apologize to your wife or girlfriend or women in general? If so, you have come to the right place.
If you missed the first two parts to the art of apology, make sure to check them out here:
How To Apologize To A Woman – Part I
How To A Apologize To A Woman – Part II
After you have found out that she is upset with you, the key at this point is to make sure you stay in control of your feelings. If at any point you think you get upset or frustrated because she is upset it is always best that you go away and cool off before trying to apologize or listen to her.
As a side note, the irony is that many of us promote the power of positive thinking, but as soon as our partners have some negative feelings most of our own positive thinking tends often to fly right out of window. What we really need today is a more positive attitude about our “negative” feelings.
Now please don’t misunderstand me. Of course, I am not promoting anyone to become more negative. What I am simply saying is that when we do have negative or upset feelings rather than try to suppress or represses them, it is important that we learn to acknowledge and validate them instead.
But before I get too far off subject let’s get back to our article.
When you observe your wife or girlfriend being upset or angry with you, you have to be like a hostage negotiator in the midst of a hostage situation, calm and collected, but at the same time strategically and empathetically care for the hostages (her feelings).
If you are a woman reading this, you might at this point be giggling a little or maybe completely puzzled with my hostage analogies ☺. But the truth is that for many men apologizing to an angry or upset woman can be a very scary situation.
Many men have tried to apologize to a woman and ended up either feeling angry and full of revenge or bruised from the emotional beating that they have felt because they did not properly prepare themselves for the situation☺.
But just like you would not expect a hostage situation to be easy, it is important that you carefully prepare yourself before trying to give an apology to a woman. You can’t expect it to be easy either.
After you have carefully observed the situation, it may at some point become appropriate for you to take out the heavy armory and start proceeding with your apology by saying these words: “I am sorry”. It is important that you are sincere.
And if you are one of those guys who have trouble saying the words: “I am sorry” realize that you don’t have to say these words necessarily to admit your mistake or guilt.
It is helpful to realize that women often use the words “I am sorry” not necessarily to assign fault or blame, but often simply as a way of empathizing with someone.
If you want to start mastering the art of apologizing you want to learn to do the same.
Let me shortly explain what I mean. A girlfriend may say to her friend: “I am sorry you lost your umbrella and had to walk in the rain”. She is, of course, not saying it was her fault that her friend lost her umbrella, she is simply empathizing for what her friend had gone through.
So after you have observed her and maybe even given her a hug, say: “I am sorry” and observe her reaction. She may test you and ask you what are you sorry about. At this point you can always safely say that you are sorry that she is upset and gently persist by giving her another hug.
It is at this point a good idea to start trying to think what she could possible be upset about if you don’t know why she is upset.
But I will assure you that simply by practicing these magic words as way of empathizing with what your wife or girlfriend might be going through will go along way to making peace with her.
Ironically, however, what will give these words even more power is when you do not expect them to make any difference.
The mistake we men often make when saying: “I am sorry” to a woman is that we suddenly expect her to feel better.
The reason for this unrealistic expectation is because when a guy in a middle of a fight or an argument says to another guy: “I am sorry, you are right, I was wrong”, the argument is usually over and we simply accept the apology and move on.
This works with men, but it does not work with women. And when we naively expect this to be the case with women, it’s like deciding to drop our weapons in a hostage situation and expect our criminal simply to peacefully hand over the hostages to us. It is just not going to happen.
Realize that when you say that you are sorry to a woman this means that the apology process has really just begun. And if you are lucky ☺, this will begin to allow her to fully explain what you really should feel sorry about in the first place ☺.
It is at this point that it is important that you are prepared with your bulletproof vest or otherwise it might get ugly ☺. You might even have to dodge some bullets while not being able to fire any back. Remember, you have to stay in control and not lose your cool.
But for a woman to trust her feelings to you, especially her upset ones, is really a great sign. This means that she trusts you enough to tell you about them. It is at this point that you are half way there to earning her forgiveness.
But realize that she simply cannot forgive you before she first feels fully heard and understood. And sometimes you have to be willing to endure some pain and discomfort before she will consider forgiving you or accepting your apology.
And there you have it, the part III to the art of apology and the secret to properly using the magic words: “I am sorry”.
As a final disclaimer, while I believe that in reality women are 100% responsible for their own feelings, and that in relationships both men and women always equally contribute to the problems of the relationship, the purpose of this guide is simply to give men some helpful insights and understanding to how to apologize in a way that works with women. Use it with your own discretion ☺.
In the next part you will learn one of the most powerful way that I know to getting a woman to forgive you almost anything no matter how badly you have messed up.
In the meanwhile, please share your honest reactions, experiences, and thoughts below. Particularly, women let us know if you think the above would be helpful in trying to earn your forgiveness, and guys please share your experiences with trying to apologize to women. Share you thoughts. What do you think? Share you thoughts on how to apologize to a woman.
