Comments on: Dear Mikko, Should I Continue To Date In The Salsa Scene?

By: Agnes

Agnes — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:08:46 +0000

OMG …some of these questions and so immature dripping with an underlying religious morality which i personnaly find unbearable … If you have problem with this is not salsa which has to be questionned by the uneasiness and unhealthy relationshio people have with their bodies and sensuality. I spent a month in Cuba dancing salsas every night with many different men who were so happy and proud to teach me and there was never a question of turning this into an advantage to try to sleep with me …!

By: mikkokemppe

mikkokemppe — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 19:58:49 +0000

Thanks for your response Michael.

I don't think Salsa Dancers intentions were to insult anyone. I think she had a genuine concern about dating in the salsa scene.

Certainly, in the salsa scene like in many other places you may come across with disrespectful and dishonest people also. There is also a lot to be said about being concerned with the people you generally associate yourself with and the effects that those people may have on you.

For example, I remember when I was about 16 years old and we had some ballroom dancers in our high-school. At the time I thought I was this hot shot basketball player, and I used to think that all of those dancers were gay. At that time there would not have been anyway that you could have tried to make me hang out with those guys as I was afraid some of my friends would have started to make fun of me or think that I was gay also.

Having said that, I personally love salsa dancing and have had great experiences meeting many wonderful dancers and salsa couples. And in retrospect, I only wish I would have hang out with some of those Finnish ballroom dancers as I could have been so much better dancers by now .

Thanks again for your comment Michael! You might be interested to comment on my article about polyamory as well where I argue against it being a good idea .

http://relationship-journal.com/2009/09/11/poly...

By: mikkokemppe

mikkokemppe — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 19:31:39 +0000

Thanks for your response MarriedSalsaMan! I agree, trust and honesty is really the key and it is beautiful to watch when couples like you share that on and off the dance floor. All of the best for you two!

By: sportflirt

sportflirt — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 06:17:31 +0000

My last boyfriend was not a salsero, and it caused soooo many problems!He couldn't handle all the pictures with flirty poses from congresses and parties, or the idea of other men 'handling' me while dancing, even though I was faithful the whole time. I'm now dating my dance partner, and it's been great. I do a great deal more social dancing than he does, but he 'gets' the scene, and neither of us freak out when we go and dance with others. Like the last commenter mentioned, there is an acceptance of the sport flirting that salsa engenders. It makes me happy to watch him get an awesome dance, and actually gives me a thrill to see that other women want to dance with him, but know that at the end of the night, he's mine!

By: mikkokemppe

mikkokemppe — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:46:28 +0000

approve

By: mikkokemppe

mikkokemppe — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:44:55 +0000

approve

By: Michael Lee

Michael Lee — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:54:32 +0000

I find "Salsa Dancer's" implication to be insulting. To say that dancing leads to promiscuous behavior is ridiculous. Wasn't that the sentiment being shared by puritanical religious people during the 1950's in the United States? It's a bit cliche to say that dancing leads to naughty behavior, but so what if it's true? It seems that some people do have a problem with other people being happy most likely because they are not happy themselves.

Dancing may be a vehicle for some to use to meet people, but if they are slutty to begin with, then yes, they will be sleeping around. I personally don't see the problem with someone being in more than one relationship at once as long as they are open about it. I don't want to digress too much since polyamory is a different topic altogether, but the salsa scene for some people is used for exactly that, exploring relationships with more than one person at one time. I have been dancing salsa for 3 years now and I have seen this several times just in the last few years.

The person in question probably shouldn't have "cheated", but the fact that they did indicates that something was wrong with their current relationship. At least now, their act of cheating brought to light whatever was not working in their existing relationship.

By: MarriedSalsaMan

MarriedSalsaMan — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 21:59:20 +0000

Excellent response Mikko. To take one aspect of it further, I can say not only did I meet my wife dancing salsa and we are very much monogamous and in love, we both have permission to be openly flirtatious (to a point) in our dance lives. Sure, once and a while I get jealous when I see her with a salsa crush, but most of the time I am very happy for her that she can experience feeling attractive to another man and appreciate herself.

What I think it most important however, is that she has no problem appreciating herself without that other person, and that we are both open to discussing all aspects of whatever we are feeling about these salsa crushes. We might talk in the car on the way home, and if I ask her about someone she will say something like "Yah, he was HOT". And we will both smile and laugh.

Its so refreshingly honest to me that I wouldn't have it any other way.

If I had a caveat about the salsa scene, I think it does attract more lotharios and whatever the female counterpart of that it is, than many other pursuits....and so sure, use caution. If there was a reason I didn't want to date in the salsa scene, in fact, it was because salsa is what I love and I was afraid if I had a lot of X's scattered around the scene it would transform my favorite outlet for recreation.

Don't let the scene discourage you. There are many great men and women out there. But do use caution....and go slow!