How To Break Up With Someone?
How to break up with someone? Have you ever wondered what is the best way to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your husband/wife? Maybe you have been going out with your girlfriend for a couple of months and you have begun to feel that she is not the right one for you and you now want to break up with her. Or maybe you have been married to your husband for ten years and you have recognized that your relationship with him is not healthy and you want to divorce him.
If you are like most people you did not fall in love happily ever after with your first boyfriend or girlfriend. For most of us learning to recognize our soul mate takes lots of trial and error. And that means that at one point or another you have probably either experienced the hurt of being the one left or you have had to be the one to break things off.
In this article I am going to give you something to consider when breaking up with someone.
First, let me explain what are some of the not so good reasons to break up with someone.
If you break up with someone out of anger, resentment, mistrust, blame, or any other negative state of mind, you are not really breaking up for the right reasons. Even worse, if you are breaking up with someone just because they have irritated you at the moment and gotten you frustrated this is definitely not the right state of mind to make decisions regarding your relationship.
Furthermore, one of the biggest mistakes people make when breaking up with someone is that they think they have to somehow justify the break up by making up a list of all of the negative attributes of their partner or relationship.
Most of us are still learning to understand that it is simply possible for two people to love each other yet not to be meant for each other to share the rest of their life with. If you are finding justifications to break up or you are blaming your partner for your relationship problems this will only make it that much harder for you to learn from your mistakes and to create a better relationship when you meet someone new.
It is good endings that always make good beginnings.
By feeling the love you shared with your partner yet recognizing in your heart that you two are not the right one for each other that you will set the stage for a good ending.
If you are at this point wondering, what in the world am I talking about, allow me to explain my-self further.
Often the reason many of us look to break up with someone is simply to avoid dealing with the problems in our relationships. If you feel like you will feel a huge relief from breaking up with someone it is often a tell tale sign that there is still a lots of unresolved problems and issues that you are simply avoiding to deal with. In this case, simply breaking up with someone is not necessarily the right solution.
Unless you take responsibility and look at the way you have contributed to the problems in your relationship, you won’t be able to grow and learn from your experience. And even if you do find a new partner, unless you have first dealt with the problems in your previous relationship, you are likely only to bring the same problems to your new relationship with you.
So how to break up with someone?
The first step to breaking up is to find the love in your heart that you felt toward your partner in the beginning of your relationship. It is only by opening your heart this way and by feeling the love that you have shared with your partner that you can gain the ability to recognize whether this person is the right one for you or not.
To understand this concept about learning to recognize the right one for you on a much deeper level, read my other article: “How Do You Know You Have Found The Right One?”
But once you have gained the recognition in your heart that this person is not the right one for you, how do you proceed to tell him or her about it?
Here is very short explanation on how you break up with him or her. Come back for more specific advice on my future posts.
Simply tell him or her your honest truth. After coming to a place of love, tell your partner that you have thought about your relationship and how you honestly feel about it.
On a practical level, simply find an appropriate time and ask your partner to listen to you. Depending on your situation, you can start by saying something like: “Susan, I wanted to talk to you about our relationship. For quite sometime now I have been thinking a lot about us. I am sure you might have at times felt me being distant. I know in my heart without a shadow of a doubt that I love you very much. You are a wonderful woman. And yet, in my heart I now know that we are not the right ones for each other to share the rest of our lives together.”
After sharing your truth to your partner, simply ask your partner how they feel about your relationship and take the time to listen. This will start the open dialogue between you two and allow the healing to begin.
It is almost impossible to write about this complex topic in only two pages because every situation and brake up is also different. So if you have situation you would like to share or need more specific advice for, please just comment here or send me an email to mikko@relationship-journal.com.
By sharing your situation you will actually be helping our community. Whenever we share our pain with others and feel understood with love our hearts will heal further. But not only that by us listening and understanding your pain you will also help us heal our own hearts also. I hope to make this community a place where you can come to share about your relationships.
And make sure to come back for more specific advice on how to break up on my future posts. In the meanwhile, have you ever wondered: “How to break up with someone?” Share your thoughts.
