Dear Mikko, Where Is The Happy Medium?
Dear Mikko,
Why is it that men seem to come in only two extremes, either they are talking serious commitment after first coffee date or they’re just completely non-committal? Where’s the happy medium?
And the follow up question my friends and I have been asking lately is: “where’s the alpha male?” I dated this one guy a couple of years ago and we were hanging out at a restaurant having drinks. I went to the restroom and when I returned he told me that it looked like I had a message on my cell phone. I looked at my phone and it was a text from him stating: “You’re so funny, I like you a lot.” Some might say that’s cute but it was his typical passive approach. I asked him if he was afraid to tell that to me to my face. We stopped dating few more dates. But after many months later he requested me as a friend on Facebook.
I accepted and there was some app on Facebook that allowed you to ask people out via this app. You can probably see where this is going. He requested to date me again through this app. We were sending instant messages and he asked me if I looked at the app. I asked him to just tell me why he wanted me to look at this. There was no way I was going to say yes to him via the app. The funny part is that if he had asked me directly I probably would have said yes.
All of us are successful, independent women but men don’t seem to realize how hot it is when a man sometimes takes charge. Mikko, what is a girl to do?
Cherie, California
Dear Cherie,
I completely hear your frustrations. The truth is that many men (and many women too) are completely lost to what comes to dating these days. So let me start by giving you my explanation to some of this mystery.
First off, some of the confusion in regards both of your questions can be traced to the misleading bull crap propaganda, which has been trying to soften men to become more sensitive to their feelings ☺.
Women used to cry out that they wanted a sensitive man, someone who they could chat, giggle, and talk with only to find out that once they found this type of sensitive guy this was really not what they were looking for after all.
The result of many women wanting to date more sensitive men has unfortunately been that many men simply raised their hand and volunteered for the part to become weak, passive, and wimpy and as a result very unattractive to women.
On one hand women often say they want a sensitive man who is in touch with his feelings, and on the other that they want the non-sensitive “alpha male”. Obviously, this has left many men very confused.
So for the guy readers out there, make a note because here is the truth. Women do not want a sensitive, weak, or a wimpy man. What women want instead is a macho “alpha male” man who is sensitive to their feelings. And understanding this distinction makes all of the difference in the world.
If you are a guy reading this and you think you might be a little bit on the sensitive side and maybe even taking some offense to what I am saying, make sure to read my other article on this topic “The real reason why women are often not attracted to nice guys.” In the article you will learn how nice guys don’t have to finish last.
So Cherie, what is a girl to do then?
First, think about what it is exactly that you would want in a man. Unless, you have that picture clear in your mind, it is very hard, if not impossible for you to attract that type of man into your life.
And I know it would be much more fun just to fantasize that the right guy will just magically know to do all of the right things to make you happy. But unless you know what it is that makes you happy, it is impossible for a guy to try to figure it out for you.
Really think about what it is that you admire, appreciate, and love about men. What kind of qualities do you appreciate in a man and how would you want your perfect date to be.
The more you are able to figure out and show what it is that you really appreciate in a man, the more of those qualities you will gradually learn to attract in your dates.
If you believe that all men are either pushy, weak, and wimpy wanting to marry you after your first cup of coffee together or on the other hand simply have commitment issues then it is very hard for you to feel positive and hopeful about dating.
It’s completely ok and normal to feel frustrated about your dating experiences. Believe me, I still often find my-self become frustrated about my own dating experiences as I am continuing to learn more about myself and dating.
The irony in your question is that just while back in my own dating life, I was wondering why do all women seem to want to commit to dating exclusively so soon as I thought I was traveling to what I thought was the happy medium ☺.
What I have realized is that dating is definitely a process of growing and learning. As you learn more about yourself you can relate to others better and vice versa. We all have our unique journeys to find love and someone special in our life.
To help you further on your path you might also want to read some of my other articles that may help you to get over some your particular stumbling blocks.
For starters take a look at these ones: “I Am An Independent Successful Woman, Why Aren’t Guys Attracted To Me?“, “How To Pursue A Guy?“, “The Secrets On How To get A Guy To Do Anything You Want.“, “Are You Sure You Are Not Unknowingly Turning Him Off?”
Share your thoughts! Why do you think guys either want to marry you after first cup of coffee or are completely non-committal? Where do you think the happy medium lies or is there such a thing?
